Helping vs. Enabling: Does it Even Matter?

 [Originally posted on GoCorps blogs on May 28, 2021]

Over the last several months, we as a staff have been struggling with this question as it pertained to a particular participant in our program. She has been with us for over 5 years, and while we’ve seen remarkable growth in some areas, she is still struggling with others, particularly with following through on commitments. And so we’ve worked with her time and again, offering techniques and tools, freely giving grace and forgiveness when she confesses of a fault. Yet, the question is always there: are we really helping this woman, or are we just enabling her?

This question comes from a good place. We want to be good stewards of the resources God has given to us and not to harm our participants in our question to help them. But as I’ve been processing through this dilemma over the last several weeks, I’m starting to think that we’re asking the wrong question altogether. The question of if we’re helping or enabling is based off of a result. Does her behavior change or not? But in this life, we’re really not in control of the result of just about anything. And God doesn’t expect us to be. What God does expect of us is to be obedient, to walk with him in the process and to leave the results up to him (John 14:23).

So instead, I’m choosing to ask a new question, one that applies to every situation we will face as a team, and to every situation in my own life: God, what are you asking me to do in this scenario? How can I be obedient to your voice? I may eventually take the same action that I would choose when I was asking myself if I was helping or enabling. I may not. Honestly, it ultimately doesn’t matter. Because the point is that it redirects the focus from the result to the process, from earthly expectations to godly ones, and that will always be the right decision.